I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
Randomize
