that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
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