so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
Randomize
