shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize
