So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize
