Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
not ubering you a puppy
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
Randomize
