Just fell off a train. Bad.
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
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