I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
Randomize
