my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Randomize
