remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
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