The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
what day is it and did you see me today?
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
