Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
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