How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Randomize
