I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
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