if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
