Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
Randomize
