When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
Randomize
