dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
Randomize
