He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
Randomize
