What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Randomize
