We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
Randomize
