I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
Slut skills are useful in every country.
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
