I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
Randomize
