life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
Randomize
