I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
All the doctor said was why
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
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