just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
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