$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Randomize
