So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Randomize
