Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
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