Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
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