Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
Farmville is her only friend.
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
Randomize
