Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
my nose is crying tears of wow.
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