It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
Randomize
