took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
