so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
