the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
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