I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
The uberlube is also flammable
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
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