And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
