LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
Randomize
