I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
Randomize
