i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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