dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Randomize
