just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
Randomize
