So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
Randomize
