he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
Randomize
