Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
Randomize
