i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
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