im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
Randomize
