i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Randomize
