Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
Randomize
