they need to just BURY HIM!
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
Randomize
